Stress Isn’t the Problem. It’s the Signal.

Most stress isn’t about the event.

It’s about the disagreement we have with reality and the meaning we unknowingly attach to it.

We resist what’s happening now. (Present stress)

We regret what already happened. (Holding onto past stress)

We brace against what might happen next. (Future-based stress)

Whether it’s a person, a situation, or even yourself, stress is the nervous system’s way of alerting you that you’re arguing with what is.

Not consciously. Automatically and rooted in protection. I’ve done this more times than I can count.

The first thing I notice when stress shows up in my body isn’t panic. It isn’t fear. It’s how quickly I jump into problem-solving.

Thinking.

Fixing.

Planning.

Optimizing.

Doing.

More.

That reflex looks productive on the surface. But it’s rarely about the problem in front of me. It’s about avoiding what lives underneath the stress.

Fear.

Shame.

Guilt.

Anger.

Sadness.

Problem-solving becomes a way to bypass sensation. Intellectualizing becomes a way to stay in control. And control, when you trace it far enough back, is just a strategy to feel safe. A primal coded mechanism to stay alive.

Stress isn’t random.

It’s a neurological response shaped by conditioning, identity, and the meaning we attach to what might happen next. The body reacts before the mind finishes the sentence. And the mind quickly steps in to explain, justify, or eliminate the sensation to make sense of what’s occurring and how to seek safety.

Again, this is all beneath your conscious awareness...until you make the unconscious conscious.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it’ll drive your life, and you’ll call it fate.” Carl Jung

Stress, in that sense, isn’t the issue.

It’s the messenger.

The Misunderstanding That Keeps Stress Alive

Most people I work with misunderstand stress at a fundamental level. I know this because I misunderstood it at first. As the saying goes, “it takes one to know one.” My therapist helped me realize that I could only help another as deeply and meaningfully as I was able to go myself.

We often believe tension is something to resolve rather than something to welcome. Something to fix rather than something to feel. Something that shouldn’t be there. But the nature of being human includes suffering. And the human condition is survival, which creates suffering by virtue of attempting to escape pain.

When tension appears in the mind or body, it activates the same survival mechanisms designed to protect us from real threats. Fight. Flight. Freeze....Insert FIX.

The challenge is that we no longer live in a world where most threats are physical or immediate. We live in a chronically stimulating environment that constantly activates ancient wiring.

Emails.

Deadlines.

Expectations.

Comparisons.

Internal pressure.

External judgments.

The nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a predator and a performance review. It responds to perceived threats, as it’s designed to... protect your life! And the meaning we attach to tension determines whether the response resolves or compounds.

Although the stress feels real, much of it is an illusion created by the mind to make sense of the experience.

The meanings vary, but they all orbit fear:

“I’m failing.”

“I’m falling behind.”

“I should be further along.”

“Something is wrong.”

“I am wrong.”

“I need to work harder.”

“This isn’t working.”

“I’m missing something.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not lovable.”

“I’m not worthy.”

“I won’t be accepted.”

“I need to make more money.”

“I have to work out to fix my health.”

Unchecked, this loop becomes the operating system. Not just psychologically, but biologically, and that’s where the body gets involved from an unconscious level. When this occurs, say hello to “autopilot” and “self-sabotage.”

What’s really going on is self-preservation at its finest, an unconscious rehearsed, remembered, and wired survival mechanism with one sole objective....KEEP YOU SAFE, even if you don’t like it consciously.

A Personal Moment That Changed How I Relate to Stress

There was a period in my life where stress felt constant.

Not loud.

Not dramatic.

Just always there.

I was training hard, building a career, navigating health challenges, and doing what I had always done best. Push. Endure. Override.

On the outside, it looked disciplined and hard work. Impressive, even.

On the inside, my system was exhausted, and I didn’t know any other way.

I was trapped.

Every time tension showed up, I interpreted it as a signal to do more. Think harder. Work longer. Fix faster. I didn’t realize that what I was calling “drive” was often fear in disguise.

Fear of falling behind.

Fear of losing relevance.

Fear of being exposed.

Fear of slowing down.

Fear of not playing the role I had taken on as who I thought I was and had to be.

I didn’t know how to sit with discomfort without trying to change it. I didn’t know how to feel stressed without turning it into a problem to solve.

Eventually, the body spoke louder.

Not because it betrayed me.

But because it had been whispering for years.

That’s when I started to see stress differently. Not as an enemy. Not as a failure. But as information, I had been ignoring. It’s a lesson that repeated itself many times over the course of 13 years until I finally listened.

There’s a difference between listening and hearing. Listening is instinctual, but hearing is a choice. It’s a choice you don’t know you have until you build the capacity to be with what’s going on and learn how that came to be.

The Real Cost of Treating Stress as a Problem

The cost of treating stress as something to eliminate is significant, given its impact on your life.

It reinforces the subconscious illusion that life should be different from what it is. That belief feeds the identity formed around the original tension and the compensatory behaviors created to feel better.

Effort becomes force.

Action becomes avoidance.

Hard work becomes anesthesia.

And anything less than perfection becomes a threat to who you think you are.

What’s actually happening is a fight against the person's unconscious belief of who they are. It just feels that way because of how long your neurobiology has rehearsed that dance.

That constant internal battle generates resistance and separation. Fighting that resistance is exhausting on every level. Physical. Emotional. Mental. Spiritual. All of which creates more separation between your essence of a human being, limitless, timeless, and boundless, and what you truly want but don’t feel, freedom, peace, and flow.

Over time, unprocessed survival energy accumulates. Stress hormones remain elevated. Systems become dysregulated. Relationships strain. Creativity dulls. The body carries what the mind won’t allow.

Eventually, we label the outcome as burnout, disease, breakdown, or failure.

But the warning signs were there all along.

We just became very good at ignoring them.

Stress as Signal, Not Sentence

What changes when someone finally understands that stress is a signal?

They’re left with a decision.

One path is victimhood.

The pain here is familiar. It’s the pain of avoiding ownership and outsourcing responsibility. It’s suffering reinforced by the belief that nothing can change. It’s not ideal, but it’s safe in knowing what to expect.

The other path is empowerment.

The pain here is different. It’s the tension of an old identity loosening its grip. The energy required to take responsibility for what you’re now aware of. The discomfort of choosing presence instead of avoidance. It’s unfamiliar pain disguised as fear of the unknown, which, let’s be real, is only what our brain is afraid of and puts into the unknown.

Neither path is painless. But only one builds capacity.

When someone chooses responsibility, even in small moments, awareness begins to influence behavior. Over time, staying present with tension becomes more possible. The nervous system learns that discomfort is survivable.

Psychology rewires.

Uncertainty shifts from threat to training ground.

Resilience is built by metabolizing stress, and this is where the real shift happens. Not by forcing change.

But by changing how you relate to what’s already here.

Tactical Application: Working With Stress Instead of Against It

This isn’t about eliminating stress. It’s about changing how you meet it.

Use these as experiments, not rules.

1. Interrupt the Fix-It Reflex

When stress appears, pause before solving. Ask yourself:

“What am I feeling underneath the urge to fix this?”

Name the sensation, not the story.

2. Locate It in the Body

Stress is embodied. Where do you feel it? Chest. Jaw. Gut. Shoulders.

Stay with the sensation for 10 to 20 seconds without trying to change it.

Let the nervous system update itself.

3. Question the Meaning, Not the Moment

Ask:

“What am I making this mean about me, my future, or my safety?”

Notice the meaning without arguing with it.

4. Choose Response Over Reaction

You don’t need certainty to move forward. You need presence.

Let action come after sensation, not as a way to escape it.

Final Reflection

If there’s one thing I hope you take from this, it’s simple.

Pause.

Not to analyze what you just read.

Not to decide whether you’re doing it right or wrong.

Just notice what’s present now, in your mind or your body.

Whatever arises doesn’t need to be corrected, justified, or avoided. Awareness doesn’t demand a preferred response. It invites acceptance of what is.

Then reflect on a moment earlier today, or yesterday, when familiar tension showed up. What was your immediate reaction? Did you rush to solve a problem? Work harder? Distract yourself? Criticize yourself? Avoid something uncomfortable?

Just noticing that pattern is the access point to agency.

Awareness always precedes effort.

When you learn how these human patterns form, how psychology drives behavior, and why it matters, something changes. You stop trying to overpower yourself. You start listening.

And that’s how you move back into the driver’s seat of your life.

Not by eliminating stress.

But by understanding what it’s been trying to show you all along.

Much of the tension we experience doesn’t come from what’s happening. It comes from the belief that what’s happening shouldn’t be happening.

You don’t need more information.

You don’t need more discipline.

You don’t need to work harder.

You need less resistance and more space.

Space between the trigger and the urge to act.

And when nothing stands between you and what’s here, stress stops being a problem and becomes what it always was.

A signal.

Josh P. 💚🧠✌🏼